So I am coming up on the one year mark of my divorce. It’s crazy how much can change in a year. Divorce is a lot of change by itself but I was naive to the trickle effect it would have in all areas. I knew things would change and may never be the same, but I was expecting some things to remain the same. I’ve always had this hope within me that some things will last forever but I’m learning that it’s just unrealistic. So here are 10 things I’ve learned during my 1st year of divorce.
1) Kids are resilient.
My number 1 concern was my girls. How will they ever get over this? Will they ever be the same? Did I ruin their lives? Obviously it hit them hard emotionally but they have grown and overcome way more than I could have at their age.
2) Being alone is better than being lonely in a marriage.
I would take the loneliness of being alone any day over the loneliness I’ve felt being in a bad marriage.
3) I’m a better mom.
When you’re in a toxic relationship everyone suffers. You can’t be a good parent when you’re unhappy and angry all the time.
4) Date someone for at least a year before you marry them.
I only dated my ex-husband 8 months when I walked down the aisle. I think if we were both honest we knew we had made a mistake within the first year of marriage. We didn’t know each other!!
5) You are stronger than you think.
I honestly stayed married longer than I should have because I didn’t think I could make it by myself. But here I am still making it, barely but I’m making it. 🤣
6) Healing takes longer than you think!
Don’t think it happens over night. I thought by being out of that house, out of that marriage I would be instantly happy. And don’t get me wrong I experienced a relief and freedom like never before. But you also have to deal with the baggage that came with it. So it’s a process, a very long process! 😱
7) A Parents love and support for their children never ends.
My parents have been my biggest support mentally and financially. I have put them through a lot over the years but they’ve got my back like no one ever has.
8) You’re not a failure
I thought I was a failure that my marriage ended. I tried so hard for so long for the girls and I felt like I failed them. But I wasn’t doing them any favors by staying.
9) Your Life isn’t over.
I thought my life was over and in some ways a part of my life was over. But I’ve realized it is just the beginning and it’s exciting.
10) You can only control how you are.
Just because your ex talks poorly about you to your children and other people doesn’t mean that you have to. They are the father/mother of your kids and in time they will see for their self who they are as a person.
I want to end by saying it’s important to have at least one good friend to get you through. Thank you Elena for listening to me vent and sharing in my pain. You and your family mean the world to me.